Just Like Your Blog But Much Better

Matthew 30's. Southern California. I post mostly original content. My jokes are tagged/jokes. Talk to me.

when the test comes back as not pregnant

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when you’re just about to fall asleep and nature’s like

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Asker Anonymous Asks:
i love your blog like how are you not famous
matthewsagan matthewsagan Said:

I am. I’m actually Rihanna. Here’s me blogging rn

Seriously though, thanks. That’s an awesome compliment. I wish I had an answer

Asker Anonymous Asks:
The sex tape post you made was not your idea. Stop stealing people's text posts
matthewsagan matthewsagan Said:

Actually, it was my idea. I don’t copy other people’s text posts. In the 100 million tumblr blogs out there people sometimes independently come up with similar jokes about popular topics

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Things to do during The Purge:

    - fill a spa up with people beyond the official capacity

    - feed animals at the zoo

    - sing happy birthday without permission from the copyright holder

    - drive without insurance and don’t come to full stops at stop signs

    - bring fruits and vegetables with you on an airplane    

    - touch all the butts            

Does the Kim Kardashian Hollywood game start with you making a sex tape?

  • doctor: you're bleeding internally and need a transfusion. quick, what's your blood type?
  • me: stay in your lane doc

national park service

illuminati

wake up america!

career goals: not cleaning up vomit or feces

If this gets more than 30 notes I won’t release the Ebola-Smallpox-AIDS hybrid virus I created in my basement